So yesterday was a very eventful day. I was busy all morning getting my etsy shop up and running and then I had a nice long lunch with a friend who made me a delicious pannini, and then I enjoyed the sunshine with my family. That left little time for doing my regular Fostering Friday post, but I have things to say, so I didn't want to wait a whole week to write about it! So here's yesterday's post today!
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Fostering Friday's is all about my journey as a foster mom, how I feel about it, the highs and lows, and how it affects my family. And of course, hoping to increase awareness and prayer for this challenging and very rewarding ministry.
This last week we had a court hearing for our little man. There looks to be some changes coming soon and I'm trying to figure out how to cope with that. We took this little baby home from the hospital and have grown him through almost nine months of his life! How am I going to say goodbye? How am I going to comfort my children who feel like their brother will be leaving them? How do I handle the fact he may never remember me?
When I first started telling people that I was going to be doing foster care the answer I kept hearing was, "I could never do that, it would be too hard to let them go." My response was yes, it will be hard, so very sad, but I still feel compelled to do it. You know that saying, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." That about sums up how I feel. Although I'm already shedding tears and praying for comfort for myself and my family, I still feel grateful for the time I did get with this precious one. He has impacted my heart forever and I'll never forget him even if he does forget me.
The whole experience of raising someone else's child is strangely surreal. There are moments where I feel like he really is my own. And that is what makes this such a sad breakup. But if I didn't love him like my own then would I be giving him the best care I could? Would he really be thriving if he didn't feel like he belonged? I don't think so. There is no way for me to keep my heart from that motherly attachment and there is no way to safeguard against the pain of losing that child. But I'm going to do it again anyway. It is so rewarding to have watched this baby grow into a well adjusted, happy, healthy baby. Then say goodbye, knowing I did everything I could to teach him to trust, hope and know security.
I think it's worth the pain and knowing that is all I've got right now. That, and trusting completely in God's sovereign plan for this little ones life. He already knows the path he has planned for him and I'm resting in that. It's not up to me to figure it out, or even understand it, it's my job to obey and trust. I think of Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. To give you a hope and a future." I'm clinging to that for our baby and you better believe it's going in his scrapbook we're making him. He'll be taking that scrapbook, full of the love and memories we'll cherish, with him and the quilt I made for him soon after we brought him home. Pieces of our hearts to remind him he is so loved, by us, but more importantly, by God.
6 comments:
Beautifully said,Connie! I'm praying for you.
Beautifully put. And I hope that one day, when he grows up and reflects on his past, he will appreciate the family who loved him and cared for him and made sure he got the best start in life that he could, even if he doesn't actually remember it.
Such beautiful words Connie! I'll be praying for you and your family as you are going through this. I know he is well loved by you!!!
We'll be praying for you and your family. I personally know how hard that is. I had a particularly hard time letting a little boy named Coen go. I cried every day for probably a week. And then just every once in a while for months. Now I just pray for him when I think about him. It will take time but you will get thru it. Thank you for sharing that verse. I needed to hear again that God has a plan for him. I'm so glad you are fostering. It is so good to know of Christian Foster Families who really love the kids.
I'm crying tears with you, Connie! What a beautiful ministry you and your family have. You are truly being God's hands, feet, and HEART to this little boy and his mom/dad/family (even if they don't realize it).
Love ya and praying for you all.
It's always hard to let them go. All I know to do is be satisfied that we have done the best we could do while we had them here. We have fostered several kids, with the longest for any being about 9 months.
A few years ago, we had taken foster adoption classes and done respite care a few weekends but hadn't fostered ourselves yet.
We started when our kids were 4 (daughter) and 2 (son). We had two more boys ages 2 and 1 for 8 months (ages 3 and 2 by the time they left). Our house was really rowdy those days. I think I actually shed a tear or two (which is a lot for me) when they left.
Then came a tiny 1 year old girl that was underweight who we had for 4 days. Then judge ordered her back to her mom. Then a 2 yr. old boy for 11 days, who then went to live with his aunt.
Several months later the little girl who we'd had for 4 days came back again, and we've had her for the last 9 months or so. She was only 17 lbs. and couldn't walk at 22 months old when we got her. Within 3 weeks she was walking around and had gained 2 lbs. She's a picky eater and really active and naturally tiny, but she continues to gain weight and her motor development is incredibly improved. I'd like to think we had something to do with that. Still trying to get her to talk. She does ramble on a lot, but I think I've only recognized about 5 words so far.
Anyway, we actually bought a 11 passenger van (actually a 15 missing the back bench seat) just in case we would need it. Then we got a 4 yr. old never-stops-talking madly-in-love-with-Justin-Beiber girl. We had her for the last 3 months or so, but then after a court hearing last Friday, the judge ordered her home and 2 hours later she was gone. May never see her again.
So we had 4 kids total most of the last 3 months, but for about 3 weeks of that we actually had a 5th kid as well, a 2 yr. old girl that came to us straight from the Linn County jail at 1:30am one night. She has some significant behavior problems and we couldn't manage her plus the other 4 for more than a few weeks, and she transitioned to another foster family where she could be an only child.
Right now the house seems positively calm with only 3 kids running around making noise. Three years ago, it would have driven me crazy. It's amazing how perspective changes.
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