Fostering Friday

Fostering Fridays are all about my journey as a foster mom, how I feel about it, the highs and lows, and how it affects my family. And of course, hoping to increase awareness and prayer for this challenging and very rewarding ministry.

So, I've been MIA the last two Fridays with my posts about fostering. Partly that's because I was insanely busy acting and singing in the Easter drama at my church and didn't have it in my to post that week. Then last Friday I was battling a really nasty cold and totally forgot about posting.  This Friday I am heading off to a field trip in Portland with my kiddos and so I decided to knock out a post before I leave for the day. I need to be a better planner and do these the night before. We'll just see if that ever happens! 

This is a weird pic that my son was trying to take with he and I and the baby. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a little, nagging  reason in the back of my mind as to why I didn't post the last two weeks. A more realistic and true reason. I was internally fighting a confusing battle. I received some news about our little babe the Friday of Easter week that threw me for a loop. I cried and was feeling angry and scared and frustrated and in general, emotional disarray. All feelings I hadn't really encountered so far on this journey with this little one. There is a silver lining to the news,  we'll get to have little guy for a while longer than we thought and for that I'm thankful . The downside is, hard decisions and tough emotions and knowing how this all affects the innocent child that doesn't have a clue what's going on.

The main reason that I couldn't talk about any of this yet was because I didn't know how to feel. I was a little blindsided and, being a control freak, felt out of control. That leads me to the reality that I really never was in control. God is always the one in control. He has a perfect plan for this little baby's life and has had one from the beginning. None of these constant changes of plan surprise Him and He is not worried about the outcome. That reminder brought me peace.

The other reason is that I was so worried about the responses of people around me. I was nervous to share any news with my incredible support system because I didn't feel ready for any opinions. I was afraid of what people would say. I'm a people pleaser by nature and I am always struggling with not being too concerned with man's opinion of me. This time I slid easily back into that pattern and was held by fear and worry. I spent several days in prayer and tears and went back and forth between wanting to share the burden and wanting to keep it and worry. I finally, naturally surrendered and shared with a friend a little of what I could. Guess what? I received not judgment or fear, but loving support and encouragement. That freed me a little from my worry and I shared with another small group of ladies at a baby shower. Again, complete understanding and support. My feelings about the news have totally changed now. All because of the loving reception my confiding brought about. I have been able to more clearly pray and seek wisdom from the Lord and to talk more rationally with my husband and we are so united and filled with peace that I know we are on the right track. God is ultimately using loving people in our lives to point us back to Him. He holds this baby tighter than I do and He has great plans for him. My part to play in all this is not to be paralyzed by fear ad anxiety but to cast all my cares on the Lord who is holding all things in His hand and trust Him. Trust Him. And then, peace fills my heart. 

We don't know how the path will continue to turn with regard to our little one. There still may be many bumps in the road. I am learning that that is what fostering is all about. Being flexible and remembering that nothing is static. It's always changing and we have to learn to ride the waves of change. My faith helps me to do that. I'm clinging to a hope much greater than anything I could manufacture and I can trust Him, no matter what the outcome.

Philippians 4:6&7

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."