Fostering Friday

Fostering Fridays are all about my journey as a foster mom, how I feel about it, the highs and lows, and how it affects my family. And of course, hoping to increase awareness and prayer for this challenging and very rewarding ministry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Our days are numbered. The time grows short.  This is the last weekend we spend with our little man not knowing the names of his forever family. Monday the committee will meet and I will go and tell them all about our wonderful little boy. His beginning, middle and what he's like now. Then I will do the very best I can to paint a picture of the life this boy leads and what his environment should look like for him to thrive. After that I will leave that room and those strangers will listen to the adoption workers of the three families chosen, tell why their family best fits with the boy I described. Then the committee will spend hours going over all the info and weighing the pros and cons of each family as they try to narrow it down to one. One family that will be chosen to receive the amazing gift of a son. The hard part is that they are all good options. These families are all aching for a child. They all have been waiting on pins and needles since they learned the news they were in the top three to hear the words they are dreaming of, "He's yours!"

And all the while I go about my normal days. I change his diapers, make his lunch, chase him around the house, tickle his belly, snuggle him close, tell him "No!",  put him down for a nap, make him laugh, get him snacks, bring him along to buy groceries, teach him to use a spoon, get him dressed and comfort him when he gets hurt. I do all of that for this little life and pray all the while for the mom and dad who are about to take over for me. I'm about to be tagged out and they are going to take over for the next leg of this journey that is little mans life. I pray they are wise, depending on God for strength. I pray they are patient and gentle as this boy is a limit tester and BUSY! I pray that they will appreciate who God made him to be and cherish the gift that he is. I pray that they are tender and fun. I also pray for the two that are going to receive disappointing news on Monday. The two not chosen. Those families will feel the loss and be tempted to lose hope. I pray they will heal and that they have the strength to begin the process again waiting for the child that will be theirs. 

People ask me how I'm doing, I say okay. Just okay. As the deadline draws near and we are looking at a limited number of days left before our lives change radically, I get more and more emotional. No longer can I talk about this situation and not cry. My emotions are floating right under my eyes and the slightest thought can cause them to overflow. I'm thankful though that my heart is soft and I'm really feeling all of this. It is real and really happening and I'm not missing it, the tears are my proof. I am aware and taking advantage of the moments I have left. The strange thing is that I also feel excitement and joy in knowing a family is going to be so happy to receive this baby. I'm dying to know which one it will be. It has been weeks since I chatted with each one and answered all their questions. I feel like I know them a little bit and I'm so excited to see who gets to raise our boy. 

And then there's the naughtiness. When he is being especially naughty, I think to myself, "I won't miss this." And it's true. There are things that I won't miss. But many that I will. It's a mixed bag. A bittersweet reality. And it's all about to be even more real. Monday, we'll know who. Then we have one week before we begin to transition to his new family. Nine days left with him permanently dwelling in our home. Nine more days to fill him up with God's love and memories of our home and how much we love him. 

I took his sleeping little self out of the car this afternoon and carried him up the stairs and into his room. Before I laid him in his crib I paused and memorized the weight of his head on my shoulder, the arm squeezing me around my neck, the steady rise and fall of his little chest and my heart ached. I laid him down and left the room quietly with tears stinging my eyes. But the reality is, he's not my boy, I'm only filling in the time until his forever mom can hold this sleeping child and sigh in wonder and contentment at her son. 

God give me grace as I remember that he's not mine, you've called me to let him go. Help me do that in a way that shows your glory! Prepare our family to say goodbye and trust your sovereign control over his life. Speak your peace into my heart and fill me up with your goodness.